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50 Shades of F*cked *p

So lately there has been a LOT of stress. Even the shrink is spinning. My latest thing is to not eat. Yup, intentional meal skipping.

I still do my coffee in the morning at 190 calories.

If I get hungry I snack on nuts.  Sometimes I feel like lunch, sometimes I don’t.

The novel concept being – if I am not hungry, I don’t force it. 

I’m not drinking as much as I should.  That I need to work on. But most nights I am drinking more, and eating slightly more sensibly.

I’ve been reading the 50 shades trilogy. And I can talk so many different angles of the book. The one that makes sense here is that I found it fascinating how much the female character doesn’t eat. How obsessed Grey is with eating.  I’ve always behaved like Grey about food. You need to finish. You need to eat often. You should eat as quality as you can.

I’ve always been like this. From being a little kid even. The sad thing is – I’ve never wanted for food. My brain is just wired that way. For a long time I guess I never really thought about why – why am I in such fear about my next meal.

For a kid from a stable family in the suburbs, who never had to worry about where her next meal came from – I sure do act like someone who had to do without.  Maybe one day we’ll figure out why my brain is so goofy.

In the mean time – I’m going to keep trying to make the stress work for me, not do anything that would damage my body, and keep chipping away.

Last Tuesday featured a huge loss: 8.5#’s in a week. (it was a hell of a week) 271.5

The goal for this week was to back slide but not past 275…weigh in is tomorrow night.

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About xcat9

A slightly off crafter with an ever growing queue of projects.

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